Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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