Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
