Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
