Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
