you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
