If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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