You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he fucked my hip out of place.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
