Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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