Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You are a genius and a whore.
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