you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
