Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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