Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
