I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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