MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
