LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
