I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
