Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
