I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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