just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
