Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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