so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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