Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
