The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
