Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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