the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
