I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
