I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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