He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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