it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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