I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
