I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
