There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
