Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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