If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
