and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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