apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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