Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
