Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
