just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
