therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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