first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
