She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
