If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
