The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He passed out mid-signature
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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