so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
