Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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