a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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