o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
