if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
