Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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