i just had sex bonerless
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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