In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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