using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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