i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
