I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
