That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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