Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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