Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
