What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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