After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
