If that was your dad, he is hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
