It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
