It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
