Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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