Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
