i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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