Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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