Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
worst night to have a conscience
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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