i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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