my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
